Sanstastic
by truthed
Summary: a beautiful sans X James crack fic written by someone who has never played undertale and knows almost nothing about the game! this also features bad Spanish so I'm sorry about that.
1. meeting tsa

Once upon a teim there was a man named James and he could sing rely good. H e was walkin down the road one day and he saw a skelton.

"oooOOH what could it be" he said and th skelten popped up of the ground. he waved his skelto hand and James jumped because he was scare

"hi my name is sans dementia darkness Raven Tara way" said sans. "and I have long eBONEy black hair that's how I got my name. " ssans flipped his nonexistent hair over his shoulder. "I have one eye that is limpid tears and one that is GOFFIK BLACK. Every body tells me I look lik Amy Lee an if u don't no who she is get da fukc out. also Gerard Way is my brother but sometimes he calls himself papyrus because he really likes Egyptian things like Joseph and the amazing technicolor Dreamcoat. ""

James stared at the skeletont. "How ar you alive " he gasped.

"I'm a Skelton and I live in the hill here" sans grinned. "I have a heart taht is limpid blue like my eye and its really good and that it's how I'm alive"

James was confused "so does that mean he skeleton in me is alive?"

Sans le gasp. "you have a Skelton in side you? hoOOOOooooOOWW? "

"That's how life works. I am a person so I have an endosketeon! that is how my arms and things work. "

Sans crossed his arms

"how do your arms work without muscles sans?"

"please address me by mah full name sans dementia darkness Raven tars way" says sans." and it takes spractice I go to the gym a lot."

Suddenly Jaems realized that SAMs was ripped he has so many bone muscle!

(a/n no flames pls unles they r sans blue flames thx)


	2. bone meal

"Baka Baka" says James.

"wtf do u want to go on a date" said sans

"ok" said James and they went on a date.

They went to Undetail Cafe and there was a cat there with a hate. He had a cigarette and James coughed but sans distinct because he doesn't hav lungs.

"Hai can we get a table for 2 said sans"

"no" said the cat and he blew the cigarette in their faces. James cougedh again. Them all of a sudden a robot showed up! no it wasn't mettaton it was aradia bot!

"I am dead" she said and punched the cat in the face.

"sorry about that " she says "here is a tabel"

Sans and James sat down and looked at the menu. It was all bone. There was bone meal, bone, bone block and rib cage. Sansa turned a lil green.

"nevermind" he said. let's go to a different restaurant.

"but u haven't seen out specials! " said aradia bot. "they are fillet of Bon, skull, and deep fried emo."

"my brother is an emo u jerk !" shouted ssans. he flipped over the tabel his bone muscles bulging. James was very impressed even tho the tabel wasnt that heavy.

They left that Undertale Cafe and outside wa smettaton!

(a/n is this fic metasans! no! so hold ur horses and bone meal)


	3. Megatron

"zomg it's maegatron!" said sans "his real name is frank eiro but he changed it when he got turned into a robot. he is dating my brother gerar- I mean papayrus."

"hi" said mewgaton in a deep sultry voice "I hope you enjoyed the restaurant!"

Jaems was confuse "how is frank eiro an robot?"

"my name is metagon" said meatong. "don't confues me with the other robots be they aren't emo also did you like our bone zone specials today?"

"no" said sans. "it is canibalism"

"It isn't real bones u dense motherfucke" said metroan. "bone meal is lucky charms cereal, bone is a Popsicle, bone block is haupia and rib cage is a wire basket."

"what about deep fried emo?" said sans who was steaming a t the ears.

"oh that I cooked ur brother " said metaton.

"aaaAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" screaem sans "HE SI UR BOYFRIEND U IDIOT HWO COULD U" and he stabbed metal ton in his pink heart thingy. but he stabbed him with his hand so it dint really hurnt metainon.

"hahahahha I was kidding " said meta.

"ok" said Sansa.

"I grilled him 1st" said meta

"ahhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" sans ran away

(a/n suspense! what will happen)


	4. the boen zoen

sorry ahead of time for my bad spanish

James ran after SAMs "baby don't go " he cried. "I dot wanna be All By My Self"

Sans was gone.

James wandered around under tail ville. He saw a river and a flower and a frog. soon he was out of the village and in a forest. There were angry trees and he was scared. The trees spoke Spanish.

"me gusta comer james" * said one tree. James knew enough Spanish to recognize his name an he started to run. bu the tree picked him up and started to eat him. it felt weird because trees don't have teeth and the tree was just trying to eat him by whacking him with leaves.

"this is nice" said James

The tree heard him and hit him with more leaves. there was a pine cone in one led and it hit him in the head and James was knocked out cold.

(a/n * translation: "I want to eat James")


	5. acid trip

James had a dream while he was aslepp. he was in a mansion and there was a stripper pole in it. sans was there. sans started to sans on the pole. he took off his puffy jacket all seductively. underneath his jacket there were bones surprise surprise. sans did the splits and then his legs fell off.

"ooh babay" said sans and took off his PE shorts revealing a huge BONE-er. James was very surprised becaus skeletons don't have a dick bone. he felt a little bit awkward and tried to look away but it was sosososo mesmerizing he couldn't look away! the BOENer was blue and glowy and it looked like a bone.

"so that's why sans didn't want to eat a bone" thought James. "it is a Skelton dong"

Sans had a big smile and he looked at James for a long time. suddenly all of James clothes were Gon! (a/n yes they're gon freecs read hxh u trash) he was embarrassed for a little bit but then he looked down and saw a BONEer and he was more embarrassed. he looked at sans's "monstrous length" (The Great Gastby, page 64, © 1925).

"damn" said James "that sure is a dong"

sans grinned and picked up his legs and tried to put them back on. His legs stayed on the floor like they're were glued there. James was also glued to the floors.

"oh no" said San. "I can't move without legs." he tried to bounce toward James and his skeledong bounced around.

"pls skeledont " said James " I don't want to bone u when ur legs are just sitting there it's wierd."

"ok fine " said sans. his head got really big. James was staring at his limpid blue eye. sans opened his mouth and swallowed James whole.

"ur gonna have a bad time" said sans. "ur gonna have a bad tiem"

(a/n was that steamy enough for you like some steamy dim sum)


	6. Death Valley

James woke up and he was lying on the floor on the forest. he didn't have a BONEer which was food because he didn't want to deal with it in a forest full of people eating trees they might try to bite off his dick also it would just be awkward in general.

"¿porqué?" said one tree. *

"No lo pude comer por que él es difícil y tiene más ropa," said another tree. "Y no tengo dientes."**

"¡Yo tengo dientes!" said the other tree. "¡Voy a lo comer!" ***The tree started to run and even though James didn't speak Spanish he knew he should probably leave. The tree chased him and started to sing: "mi muñeca me hablo. me dijo cosas. me no puedo repetir. porque me hablo solo a mí." ****James was very scared. because the song was very creppy. also becaus ethe trees wanted to eat him. he ran and ran until he was tired and then he ran more, he saw a river and a village. yaay he thought and jumped into the river.

the river was very shallow so he hit the bottom.

"ouch" he said and now his clothes were wet. then he climbed out of the river and went to the village. he was waking up to a house when he heard a sound.

HOi hOI HOI hoi said temmy

(a/n translations: *"why?" **"I couldn't eat him because he is difficult and has a lot of clothes." "and I don't have teeth." *** "I have teeth!" "I am going to eat him!" **** /53qgDSeqT6o )


End file.
